My thoughts on the first day of work back from maternity leave:
It’s my first day back to work after maternity leave, and I can’t believe I made it without dying from emotional pain! Oh God it hurts! My little poopsie’s first day at daycare! He’s probably scared and wondering where I am. Honey, I’m right here! I hope he can hear me. Oh I feel so guilty for leaving him in a strange place! Has he pooped yet? I hope they are holding his bottle right. He will only drink it if its held at 60 degrees. I need to call them and explain the angle thing! Hmm, are their voices too loud? He’ll only fall asleep if they are speaking slightly above a whisper. Let me call and let them know!
Man, do I miss my maternity leave! I hope they swaddled him correctly. What if he wakes up and no one can hear his cry? He’s crying now, I can feel it! I should call and let them know! Did they remember his tummy-time? Also, he likes to look around the room. Is someone propping him up so he can see the room? Please tell me someone is holding MY BABY! Look at me, I am not built for this! I can’t wait to head home and make sure he’s okay. First thing I’ll do is check to make sure he has all fingers and toes. If there is a single toe missing, there will be consequences! Honey I’m on my way! I may have to rethink this whole career idea. Maybe I should have extended my maternity leave. Mommy’s coming, honey!
My thoughts after 4 years, 2 kids, and 2 maternity leaves later:
Finally I’m at work and doing a little dance that I made it! Away from these kids. They’ve gotten on my everlasting nerve! Crying, whining, asking me for this and that. Now I can finally sit down and breathe. Oooh, this feels good. Wait, did I change her pull-up this morning? If I didn’t, oh well, she’ll be alright. It’s just a little pee. She needs to learn to use the potty anyway. I can hear my thoughts and the clarity is amaaaaazing! There’s no one tugging on me or calling my name. I hope big boy eats his lunch today. If he doesn’t, he’ll be hungry and only the Lord knows when I’m cooking next! I hope he isn’t acting up. Matter fact, I know he is. Can they handle his tantrum? Maybe I’ll call to say they have my permission to get those legs!
It’s MY lunch time and I’m so happy I can eat alone! I hate sharing! This feels great, all this food to myself! Oh no, time is going by too fast! I’m not ready to go home. When we get home, I’ll be stressed and they will be pulling working the 1/4 nerve I have left. And I’ll have to make dinner. I wonder if they’ll mind if I pick them up late because I need a little more time. Hopefully there’s some wine left at home. No, I can’t risk it. I’ll stop and get a backup bottle just in case! Somebody pray for me. Jesus take the wheel on my ENTIRE life! Let me get myself together and get out of here…