#reclaimingmytits #thebreastaurantisclosing #repossessmybreasts
What happens to your breasts when you’re finished breastfeeding? What do you make of your new tatas and new LIFE?
A step-by-step guide to repossess your breasts after breastfeeding:
- Drink… a lot. You no longer have to worry about passing alcohol onto your baby so bottoms up! The rule of thumb is if you can drive, you can nurse but go a little crazy and get an Uber. WHAT?! Get crunk! Get lit! Get jiggy wit it! It’s a celebration, b*tches! (R.I.P. Charlie Murphy)
- Put ’em on the glass! Now that your tits have returned to their rightful owner, show them off. Take those puppies for a ride around the block with a sexy top or leave a button or three open. Go for it! Carpe diem dem tits!
- Make them an art piece. Why not get them pierced or add a little ink? I hear it’s pretty hot. Don’t even ask…
- Get fitted. Since your boobs aren’t filled with milk anymore, chances are they might be a tiny bit smaller or you might be tired of wearing nursing bras. Either way head to your nearest department store and get fitted for a new bra. My preferences are Nordstrom or Bloomingdales because of their awesome customer service but Victoria’s Secret offers a free fitting as well. You can treat yourself to a new one at full price or shop the clearance rack and discount stores (i.e. Nordstrom Rack, Marshalls, TJ Maxx, Ross, etc.) for your new size.
- Go ALL the way up! Although my boobs are perky as ever, I hear that fun bags tend to sag after nursing. Push-ups are a great way to get the girls back to standing at attention. A few reps a day will get them all the way up in no time.
- Embrace them! You’ve done one hell-of-a-job nourishing your baby. Not only did you give your child life but you sustained a life with your milk at the same damn time!! Why, this is probably the most important thing you’ve done with your tits since college. Yaaassss, Boo! You are the real MVP. And by the way, I’m STILL nursing a toddler so this is my wish list. I feel like I’m getting closer. Here’s to the near future! I’ll keep you posted.