A hard ass lesson I’ve learned since becoming a mom is that I cannot yet operate at the level I did before I was a mom. Don’t get me wrong, this does not mean that I will never operate at the highest of the high levels from my previous life- I AIN’T GIVING UP! But right now, I don’t have the f*cking energy to do it all and I am temporarily unwilling to try. Because of that, I have perfected the art of saying no. My favorite ways of saying “NO” are: Nope, Hell to the naw naw, and F*ck no. In other words…I cain’t and I ain’t!
Can we talk about baby showers for a sec? Because most of them are traditional, conservative and reserved. If this is your style, then cool! Not hating at all! But if you’re anything like me, you’re a sucker for pushing the envelope and breaking away from monotony. What if I told you that a baby shower can be more like a day-party with the right elements? If you’re still reading, you probably like to switch things up too! Are you interested in throwing a non-boring, co-ed baby shower extravaganza? Do you want a shower that stands out? I’ve got you covered!
To all my mamas who miss their dearly departed daddies on Father’s Day:
I feel you. You are raising amazing little brown or black boys or a similarly amazing little brown or black girl, and while you do have lots of men in your life, nobody replaces your daddy. No one is stronger, smarter, more protective, funnier, wiser or able to discern how to help you fix your problems more than your pops. At least that’s how it was with mine.
My father was the first man to buy me gold earrings. They were tiny hoops, 24k gold, from Marshall Field’s. I was 14 when I got them on my birthday, and I never knew, until I was much older, that my father gave me jewelry for several reasons. One, so that I would of course be beautifully adorned, but also so that I knew the difference between trash and treasure. The situation of the creepy man on the street, hanging out at my high school and trying to give away cheap gold-plated rings or bracelets to girls in exchange for sex (which really happened, by the way) never happened to me. I didn’t need to trade sexual favors for gold from strangers. My pops gave me jewelry, not a lot of it, but enough to make it clear that I never needed to gold dig – not while I had a mother and a father and an entire extended family happy to help me get whatever I needed (and sometimes wanted) in life.
Whenever Father’s Day rolls around I find myself appreciative, conflicted and then angry throughout the day (in that order) with all the mixed messages I see floating around social media and the innanet (aka messy internet). And this is the year I want to talk about it because it has become a giant elephant in the room.
I was doing really good today. Great even. I was momming the crap out of today and earning serious Fun Mommy points. Then it all went to *insert poop emoji.* Literally. Here’s how I managed to accomplish my latest fail. Step 1: Fill a storage container with water.
Do your kids love water play in the summer? Of course they do!! Fill a container and let them splash in it. Give them cups, strainers and floating toys to play with. Then let them climb inside and completely soak their clothes. For best results ensure that at least one kid is in diapers. What’s the big deal anyway? How bad could it get?
Fathers play a critical role in shaping the thoughts and feelings of their daughters at a young age. In most cases, they are the first man that a young girl sees and trusts. It’s no surprise that she hangs onto his every word. More importantly, daughters pay close attention to how a father behaves and learns much about the world through his actions. So many women look back at their father-daughter relationship with appreciation, reverence and love.
“Y’all gon’ make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here. Y’all gon’ make me go all out. Up in here, up in here. Y’all gon’ make me act a FOOL. Up in here, up in here. Y’all gon’ make me lose my cool. Up in here, up in here” –DMX
Fathers are not back-up, the help, or the assistant.
In fact, they aren’t adjuncts in any shape or fashion. They are tenured parents with full-time roles and responsibilities, other duties as assigned, and no union rights available. Fathers are parents, not babysitters. And yet I often hear them referred to in these auxiliary roles, as if they are dangling onto a family unit by a mere thread. Sometimes they even jokingly refer to themselves this way: “I’m on dad duty tonight.” I know, I know, it’s sometimes said out of love. But words matter and get stuck deep down in our subconscious and have an impact. “Duty” implies that it’s some sort of unwanted gig and “tonight” sounds like a temporary, obtrusive and interim hang-up. Why?
To grow and deliver a tiny human being is no small feat. The impact of pregnancy on the human body can vary drastically from one person to the next. Some women come out unscathed while others have lasting scars and/or conditions to remind them of their journey to motherhood. In fact many try, to no avail, to conceive spontaneously only to be faced with years of infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss. Some mommies have lovingly adopted children or welcomed bonus babies into their blended families. So, with families nationwide celebrating Mother’s Day today, I wanted to take a look at pregnancy and motherhood from the perspective of a few mom friends.
We don’t get out often, can’t you tell? We’ve been drifting in this thing called motherhood for a while now, some of us longer than others, and we get a little too excited when we get to pop out on the town. Why? Because of life, kids, motherhood…did I mention life? Getting in a quick date during the week after a long day of work can be a great way to break up the monotony. Weekends are even better! But rest assured, when we do get out we have a ball! And this is why moms should date their mommy friends.
It is not seemly to talk about sex. And I’m not trying to be unseemly. I also don’t want to scare anyone who is pregnant or in labor right now because you probably won’t wind up with a third degree tear like I did. At least, I hope you don’t.
Make your marriage work! The best way to be married is to be happily married. I mean who wants to be unhappy? Who wants to dread having yet another silly argument with their spouse? Who wants to excel in other areas of their life yet feel stressed out in their marriage? Ummm…no one! Now don’t get me wrong, I know it takes effort to have a happy marriage. If there was a magic wand for marriage, I would have had two or three of them by now.
Airlines can’t stay out the news lately can they? They seem to always be doing something awful to passengers. From the doctor who was beat down for not giving up his seat to the mother who was nearly knocked out by her own stroller as it wielded by an airport flight attendant, it seems that flying with baby is mighty perilous these days. Don’t worry, Sassy Plum is here to help you figure out how to do this. You CAN do this mom. You can fly safely and efficiently with your baby, your infant, your toddler or your young kid. And hopefully you can do it with minimal issues.
Okay, this is a sweet little note for the fellas because I think you all need a little tweaking in this area. Now look, don’t be mad at me…I’m just the messenger! But every year, Mother’s Day rolls around and I listen to my mom friends whine and vent, totally bummed about not really getting what they wanted for Mother’s Day. And I think the main reason is that many of you men totally miss the mark on this one. Perhaps this isn’t your fault, you really do try to make a special day and for that moms are eternally grateful! But, what if I told you there was something else moms wanted more than anything…. something that may have never occurred to you?